As usual, this article does not contain spoilers for the movie beyond what’s already been shown in trailers and such. It does, however, contain spoilers for previous MCU movies, so please bear that in mind.

1. OK, so why shouldn’t I bring little kids to see it?

The movie plays out partly in the “present” and partly in flashbacks to when Rocket was little. He started life as an ordinary raccoon, and the process by which he became what he is is to say the least disturbing. You know the certification in a movie’s end credits, where it says that the Humane Society verified that no animals were harmed in the making of the film? It has never been more necessary, and not just for Rocket. It was hard watching many of those scenes as a fifty-year-old, let alone a fifteen-year-old. And if the animal experimentation parts aren’t enough to give your kids nightmares, the vast numbers of people who are killed, the hordes of children in grave danger, and the guy without a face will probably do the trick.

2. Yeah, but look how many people Thanos killed, and my kids handled Avengers: Infinity War and Endgame OK. Is this worse?

Yes. Yes, the High Evolutionary, the villain of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 (GotG3) is worse than Thanos, because Thanos was ultimately trying to help others, even if in a despicable way, and he very deliberately didn’t commit genocide. You would be correct to point out that the Thanos from the past in Endgame is about to commit universal genocide when Iron Man stops him, and yes, that version of Thanos is probably worse. But not the version who actually made the snap.

3. So it’s pretty intense; does it still have comedy and good music, though?

Absolutely: there were at least as many laugh-out-loud moments as there were try-not-to-cry ones. And the music, which was somewhat more recent than in the previous films, was as well used as ever.

4. Is it better than Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania? What about Black Panther: Wakanda Forever?

Thankfully, it’s much better than Quantumania. It’s a bit on the long side (2 hours, 29 minutes), but it uses that time well. I didn’t notice any scenes that didn’t in some meaningful way move the plot forward; there probably were a few, but at least I can say that they didn’t stand out. GotG3 is more grounded than Quantumania, so that I found myself much better able to forget that Rocket and Groot are mostly CGI than I was able to forget that 90% of Quantumania was. Plus, GotG3 has a surprise, brilliantly-funny unannounced appearance by someone, and I wouldn’t dream of risking spoiling it by saying more.

As to whether it’s better than BP:WF, that’s a tougher question. I’d say that, in all honesty, the two movies are so vastly different from one-another in plot and general attitude that there’s no sensible way to compare them.

5. What do I need to have seen in order to understand GotG3?

If you’ve seen the first two Guardians of the Galaxy movies, you’re probably just fine. It would also be very good to have seen Avengers: Infinity War, and probably Endgame as well. Apart from that, there’s not much you won’t be able to figure out if you haven’t seen every MCU movie that’s been made.

6. When is a good time for a restroom visit?

I hate to say it, but there really isn’t a good time. Of course, since you shouldn’t bring small children to the movie in the first place, this isn’t likely to be as much of an issue as it typically is; if you’re sensitive to scenes of animals (even CGI ones) being mutilated and kids in danger, I recommend choosing one of those times. You’ll have some warning.

7. Do I have to stick around for extra scenes during/after the end credits?

Yep, there’s one mid-credits and one at the very end. You absolutely should not miss either of them unless you must.

8. Bottom-line it?

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 is an excellent movie, but absolutely, unquestionably not for little kids e9999. If you’ve seen the first two, you shouldn’t miss this one, because it wraps up the trilogy nicely. If you haven’t, then what are you waiting for? Go watch the first two and then go see Vol. 3. GotG3 officially opens tomorrow, Friday, May 5, 2023.

Note: There are no spoilers for this film in this article beyond what has already been shown or referenced in trailers, ads, and merchandise. (There may be spoilers for previous Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) content, however.)

1. Is it good? Will I like it?

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania is fine. It’s a fun way to spend two hours, but it’s not going to enrich your life to any noticeable degree. It’s a whole ton of plot with a tiny amount of character development—sort of the inverse of Black Panther: Wakanda Forever in that regard—and enough special effects for at least four other superhero comic book-based movies.

I texted my (college-aged) kids when I got home that I couldn’t help but feel that the effects people deserved top billing over the actors, and I was only exaggerating a little. The acting is good, mostly, but the only actor who really stands out is Jonathan Majors (as Kang the Conqueror). Paul Rudd (Ant-Man) is as unremittingly likeable as always, and has one well-made scene in particular that must have been very difficult for him to film. Everyone else is fine, but not especially memorable.

It boils down to this: If you’re a fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) movies, and you plan to see any of the Phase Five movies (of which Quantumania is the first), you should go see it, because the filmmakers could truly not have made it any more obvious that the plot is setting things up for a series of followup movies. If you don’t feel a need to see every MCU movie, then wait for it to stream on Disney+ in a few months and decide whether or not to watch it then.

2. Should I take my kids to see it?

If they like strange creatures, wildly incomprehensible landscapes, and lots of things blowing up (which, since this is an Ant-Man movie, has more than one meaning), then sure, take them to see it. If they understood Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, they’re likely to understand the plot of Quantumania, or at least the important parts of it. It does have some sexual innuendo (mostly from Bill Murray’s character, which should surprise exactly nobody), quite a few uses of the word “dick” in a non-sexual context, and a little bit of swearing, but that’s about all that most people might find objectionable.

3. What do my kids and I need to have watched before we see it?

Well, of course you should see Ant-Man and Ant-Man and the Wasp, for obvious reasons. As mentioned above, seeing Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness would be helpful as well. The events of Avengers: Endgame and Captain America: Civil War are referred to frequently, so having seen them fairly recently would help with following the plot. I would also highly recommend watching the Disney+ series Loki, because its first season finale is where the villain of Quantumania (sort of) first appears, and the end-credits scene will probably make no sense at all if you aren’t at least somewhat aware of what happens in the series.

4. When is a good time for a restroom trip?

Honestly, the plot is pretty much non-stop, but I’m sure that, if you miss a few minutes here or there, you’ll be able to figure out what’s going on very quickly on your return. I would just recommend going before the movie’s climax starts, which you will absolutely see coming.

5. How many credits scenes are there?

There are two: One mid-credits and one at the very end of the credit roll. As noted above, be sure you’ve seen Loki, or the second scene will make very little sense to you.

6. Is it worth paying more to see it in IMAX or 3D?

I saw it in regular-size 2D, and it was visually spectacular. Since the visual spectacle is really the chief reason to see the movie in the theatre at all, I would definitely recommend seeing it in IMAX and/or 3D if you can.

7. Will I like/understand it better if I’ve read the comic books?

I don’t think so. Having some idea of who/what M.O.D.O.K. is before seeing Quantumania is somewhat useful, but since his origin is drastically changed from the comic books, it’s only really helpful in that you’ll see him coming before you otherwise would. Having some notion of who Kang the Conqueror is helps make his story in the movie make more sense, but he too is changed quite a bit.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania premieres tonight, February 16, 2023, and is rated PG-13. It’s far from the best MCU movie, but it’s not the worst, either. If you’re an MCU fan, you won’t regret going to see it; if you’re not, keep your money and watch it on streaming in a few months if you want. Also, for fun, you can sound smart if you point out that “ant” and “man” both appear, in that order, in “Quantumania.”

Disclosure: I was invited to a free preview screening of Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania. All opinions expressed here are my own.

Note: There are no spoilers for this film in this article beyond what has already been shown or referenced in trailers, ads, and merchandise. (There may be spoilers for previous Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) content, however.)

1. Is it good? Will I like it?

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (BP:WF) is fantastic: It has action, humor, poignancy, surprises, spectacular sets and effects, and some of the best acting in any of the (now) 30 MCU movies. It will make you weep, it will make you laugh, and it will hold your interest. The fact that it will hold your interest is worth remarking on, in particular, because BP:WF comes in second behind Avengers: Endgame for longest MCU movie runtime, at two hours, 41 minutes. It’s worth the time, even if some scenes that made it in could probably have been cut to make it a bit tighter; in a sense, it’s actually good that it’s not super-tight, because having a little extra time to react between significant events makes it a more leisurely experience to watch.

And, I’m just saying, if Angela Bassett (who plays Queen Ramonda) and Letitia Wright (who plays Shuri) are not at least nominated for Oscars, it will be an injustice.

2. Should I take my kids to see it?

If they can handle the first Black Panther movie, they can handle the plot and action in this one. If they could handle Avengers: Infinity War‘s ending, the sadness in BP:WF will probably not upset them too much. The only caution I would give is that, if your children have recently had a loved one pass away, this movie is very likely going to bring those feelings back to the surface.

3. So, how did they handle Chadwick Boseman passing away?

I can only imagine how hard it must have been for the actors and crew of the movie to do their jobs so well, with the tragic loss of the first movie’s central actor never far from their thoughts. Knowing of course that everyone watching the film would be aware of Boseman’s death, they very wisely deal with it right at the very start, and they honor him and T’Challa, the character he so brilliantly brought to life, in a very appropriate, very touching way. Make sure you have something to wipe away your tears.

4. What do my kids and I need to have watched before we see it?

Obviously, the most important movie you need to have seen to understand BP:WF is the first Black Panther movie, and it is absolutely essential. Unessential, but still helpful, would be to have seen Captain America: Civil War and the Disney+ series The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

5. When is a good time for a restroom trip?

It’s a long movie, so I strongly recommend the whole family taking care of nature’s calls as soon before it starts as possible. If anyone can’t hold on until the end, there are quite a few stretches of a few minutes that could be missed without seriously affecting the enjoyment of the film. My personal suggestion would be a sequence where Namor and Shuri take a trip; you’ll know it’s coming soon when Riri is upset because Shuri is going off without her. I hope that was both specific enough to be useful and vague enough not to spoil anything. 

6. How many credits scenes are there?

Just one, mid-credits and fairly soon after they start rolling. If you can hold it, definitely do not try to go to the bathroom in the meantime, because you won’t get back in time (this happened to my wife, and I had to describe the mid-credits scene to her afterwards).

7. Is it worth paying more to see it in IMAX or 3D?

Definitely see BP:WF in IMAX if it’s available and affordable to you; the preview screening I attended was in IMAX (2D), and it was just spectacular; I’m sure it’s fine in regular format, but it can’t be quite as awe-inducing. As for 3D, I wouldn’t bother; believe me, it was plenty immersive in regular old 2D. I’d see it in 3D if that’s all that’s available, but I wouldn’t spend more money on it if I could avoid it.

8. Will I like/understand it better if I’ve read the comic books?

No, there’s no advantage to it, and in fact it might even be a disadvantage. I have read many of the comic books, and I saw it with my wife, who has read few if any. She was certainly more surprised at some things than I was, and I think that was exciting for her. There are Easter Eggs that only people who’ve read the comics will catch, but I have to think the surprise would be more fun. Marvel comic book fans will, however, be very pleased to finally hear a word that’s never quite been spoken before in the MCU.

And then there’s also the fact that they made some fairly drastic changes to the comics. In particular, if you’re familiar with Namor and his people in the comic books, expect them to be almost completely different in the movie. I liked the changes that they made, which I won’t go into because I don’t want to spoil them, but it did confuse me a little bit, because Namor is such an iconic character in the comics, and he was very different. He still has those goofy wings on his ankles, though.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever premieres in movie theaters tonight, November 10, 2022. It is rated PG-13. Go see it; you’ll be glad you did!

Disclosure: I was invited to a free preview screening of Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. All opinions expressed here are my own.

1. Is it good? Will I like it?

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (DSMM) is much better than its goofy-sounding title might make you think it is. The acting is top-notch: now-16-year-old Xochitl Gomez does a very credible job as America Chavez; Elizabeth Olsen (Wanda/Scarlet Witch) has come a long way, acting-wise, since her MCU premiere in Avengers: Age of Ultron, although every trace of the accent she had then is now gone; Benedict Wong is as fantastic as always as Wong; and Benedict Cumberbatch is, of course, Benedict Cumberbatch. Rachel McAdams (Christine) also plays a much more important part in the movie than she did in the first Doctor Strange film.

The plot is very solid, and keeps you fascinated throughout the movie. Here I must give credit to whoever made the trailers for this film, as they managed to avoid revealing much about the plot while still making it look interesting. Whatever you think the plot is (unless you’ve been spoiled, of course), you’re probably wrong; I was certainly surprised at several major turns. There’s plenty of humor, of course – it is a Sam Raimi film, after all – but there is a constant sense of danger even when it’s going for a laugh. It is a wonderfully entertaining movie, and an excellent addition to the MCU.

Side note for trivia nerds: The first Doctor Strange movie and DSMM are quite possibly the only two movies to star two actors named “Benedict.” I have not researched this to find out if it’s true, but I just had to mention it.

2. Should I take my kids to see it?

Anyone who’s seen most or all of the previous MCU movies will love it. It’s got some gore, and some zombie action (this was in the trailers), and it is full of fraught situations involving a teenage girl, but it’s PG-13 and it doesn’t strain the boundary too much.

3. What do I need to have watched before I see it?

This is always a question when it comes to the MCU. In order to really understand what’s happening in DSMM, you should have seen the first Doctor Strange, of course; Avengers: Infinity War; Spider-Man: No Way Home; but most of all, you need to have seen the Disney+ show WandaVision. If you have not seen WandaVision, I strongly suggest you watch it before you see this movie, because I guarantee that much of it will make no sense if you don’t. It would also be very useful, though not essential, to have seen the Disney+ animated series What If…? There are a few other things that it would be useful to know about ahead of time, but there’s no way I can mention them without spoiling some wonderful surprises.

That being said, that is really all you need. The other MCU Disney+ shows aren’t relevant to the movie, though Loki does cover some similar subjects. Seriously, though, watch WandaVision.

4. When is a good time to visit the restroom?

DSMM is pretty action-packed, so the only really good times to go come right near the beginning of the movie, when they’re least useful. There is an extended scene, however, a fair way through the film, wherein Strange and Mordo (the always-excellent Chiwetel Ejiofor) fight. It’s a cool scene, but it won’t affect your understanding of the plot if you miss it. I was too engrossed in the movie to check the time on my watch, but I think you’ll know when it’s about to happen.

5. Is it worth paying more to see it in IMAX? How about 3D?

It is absolutely worth paying more to see it in IMAX. I saw it in IMAX at a preview screening, and it was just spectacular; I’m sure it’s fine on a regular screen, but if you really want to get the full effect, go IMAX. As for 3D, I usually think it’s a waste of money; I’ve only seen the movie in regular old 2D, but trust me, it is plenty. I think 3D would just distract you from the parts of the screen you should be watching.

6. How many credits scenes are there?

There are two: one mid-credits, and one at the very end. The mid-credits scene is essential; the end one is awesome, but does not advance the plot in any way. If you or your kids need the restroom, I suggest waiting until after the mid-credits scene if at all possible, but the end scene is not worth the anxiety of waiting for it if nature is calling. If you don’t need to leave, though, I highly recommend staying to watch it.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness premieres tonight, April 5, 2022. It is rated PG-13. Go see it! This is one you don’t want to wait to watch on home video if you can avoid it.

Note: Yes, I know that Wanda technically first appeared in the mid-credits scene in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. But she didn’t even have a single line then, so I’m not counting it.

Disclosure: I was invited to a free preview screening of Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. All opinions expressed here are my own.

Images: Marvel/Disney.

This Friday, Mario Kart Live: Home Circuit comes… well, home. I’ve already raved about this mixed reality kart racing title in theory, but recently I was finally able to check it out in earnest.

Here are 10 things you should know before you consider picking Mario Kart Live up for you and your geeklings.

What do I need to play?

Chiefly, just a Nintendo Switch or Switch Lite, the contents of the Mario Kart Live: Home Circuit Mario or Luigi set, and some empty floor space. The basic character sets are super straightforward; you get a Mario-red or Luigi-green kart complete with driver and top-mounted camera, a USB-C charging cable, four foldable cardboard gates, and two arrow signboards.

Wait—so there’s no game cartridge?

No, the companion video game title is exclusively available via the Nintendo eShop. It’s free, so even if you don’t pick up Mario Kart Live at launch, you can still download the game itself and check out its gameplay information to help inform your purchase decision.

Is there multiplayer?

Yes, while any single player can get plenty of playtime going up against a team of ruthless virtual Koopalings, up to four real-life players can race at a time. Of course, each player must have their own Switch console and, as of now, this also necessitates purchasing multiple copies of the Mario or Luigi starter sets.

This isn’t exactly ideal, and I hope that Nintendo considers broadening the line with two-player kits or some additional karts to choose from at a later date, but there’s been no word on either at this point.

Still, hope springs eternal.

How difficult is setup?

Setting up Mario Kart Live: Home Circuit is a breeze!

Charging the Kart

Just push aside the panel on your kart’s right side (next to the vehicle’s single start button) to access the USB-C connecter and charge it using the included cable through your Switch dock or a Nintendo Switch AC adapter. It takes around 3.5 hours to fully charge (which will, in turn, give you about 90 minutes of drive time in 150cc mode), and the light display on the back of the kart’s camera mount will let you know when it’s ready.

Prepping Race Gates and Signage

Each of the four race gates includes a special marker to let the kart camera know where it is on a course, so you’ll need to use all four. (Don’t worry, though; they come pre-assembled!) To set them up, simply flip out the legs from the numbered crossbeam and fold out the feet before securing the support tab in the middle.

The optional arrows signs are even easier; just fold the bottom supports into place and you’re good to go.

Pairing the Vehicle

Easier still is pairing a kart with your Switch console. At startup, the Mario Kart Live: Home Circuit software will display a QR code. Scan this code with the kart camera and you are literally off to the races.

How much space do I need?

Nintendo recommends a physical space of at least 12′ x 10′ to allow for both customization of the course and proper control for your kart. Obviously, the faster you drive, the more difficult it can become to corner/drift, so a space sufficient in 50cc mode may feel a little tight as you advance through 100cc, 150cc, and 200cc.

Also, I’ve found it’s a good idea to budget an extra couple of feet in all directions. This allows you to modify your course between Cup races in Grand Prix mode. Mario Kart Live does a fine job of mixing things up with new power-ups and environmental effects, but physically manipulating your course in the real world is half the fun.

Can I play it all over the house?

In theory, yes, but there are a few considerations.

The Home Circuit kart is optimized for hard, flat surfaces. Hardwood, tile, and linoleum are perfect, and in my house, at least, there was no noticeable issue transitioning from my kitchen vinyl to low-pile rugs or carpets. However, anything with long fibers could slow down kart performance and potentially get tangled in the axles.

Nintendo of America also advises that you keep the kart within 15′ of your Switch system when racing—anything further away can negatively impact connectivity. This is less of an issue when playing in handheld mode, where you can generally reposition yourself for optimal play, but is something to keep in mind while playing on your television in docked mode.

How about outdoors?

Outside play—like steep inclines and ramp jumps—is inadvisable. Exposure to dirt, water, and the rigors of the elements can prove detrimental to the sensitive kart hardware.

Are there any other special considerations?

Yes—your pets.

I live in a house with two large, lazy housecats. However, no sooner will Mario round a corner than they both become alpha predators intent on devouring this diminutive Italian. Sure, it’s pretty funny to watch their maddened eyes flash in the mixed reality camera as Mario and the Koopalings speed by, but they’ve certainly ruined more than their fair share of speedruns.

Consider putting up your pets before playing.

What’s the control scheme like?

While not as simple as the one-finger touch interface of mobile phone entry Mario Kart Tour, Home Circuit‘s steering assisted controls are very easy to grasp. It basically revisits those of that other recent series entry, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe. The A button accelerates while B is used to brake and back-up. The left analog stick steers and the right shoulder button lets you drift into a turbo-boost, while the left shoulder button is reserved for deploying items.

How is the “mixed reality” gameplay?

In my opinion, it’s practically perfect. Crafting your own dream course, complete with tight turns and real-world obstacles, coupled with the digital set dressing of unlockables like car/driver skins, race gate power-ups, and environmental elements are —to borrow that well-worn phrase—two great tastes that taste great together.

Sure, Iggy and Morton don’t have to worry about the minefield of mini traffic cones (or the occasional ornery cat) that lurks outside the starting gate, but they also don’t know about the homestretch shortcut of cutting under the kitchen table to snatch an easy victory. And that, at its heart, is what Mario Kart Live: Home Circuit is all about.

It’s your game in your house with your rules, but at its core, it’s still the same on Mario Kart we’ve loved for decades.

Review and promotional materials provided by Nintendo of America. This post contains affiliate links. My kingdom for a Yoshi kart!

The home release of Spies in Disguise, an animated feature from Blue Sky Studios, mixes the action of a classic spy movie with a focus on gentler conflict resolution. The DVD/Blu-Ray/Digital multi-screen edition is available today, March 10th, 2020.

We were invited to a press event at Blue Sky Studios where we met some of the development team, and the directors, Nick Bruno and Troy Quane.

1. What is it about?
Featuring super-spy Lance Sterling and scientist/gadget-creator Walter Beckett, Spies in Disguise is a kid-friendly variation on the classic espionage movie. The pair comes together to save the world when Lance is accidentally transformed from the world’s greatest spy into a pigeon (albeit an incredibly brave and suave pigeon). Spies in Disguise has the action of a spy movie, while showcasing Walter’s gentler methods of conflict resolution.

2. Who provides the star power in the movie?
Will Smith stars as Lance Sterling, the “spy in disguise,” along with Tom Holland as Walter Beckett. Rounding out the cast is Rashida Jones (spy team leader Marcy), Ben Mendelsohn (the villainous Killian), Reba McEntire (spymaster Joyless), Rachel Brosnahan (Walter’s late mother and inspiration, Wendy), Karen Gillan (spy specialist, Eyes), DJ Khaled (spy specialist, Ears), and Masi Oka (villain Kimura).

3. Will I, the adult, enjoy the movie?
Rotten Tomatoes rated Spies in Disguise a solid 75% Fresh… yes, you will most likely enjoy it.

4. Will the kids enjoy the movie?
The action from Killian’s criminal exploits is perfectly tempered with avian-centric humor. The other members of Lance’s flock provide some slapstick comedy. The kids will laugh, the kids will cheer… it’s a win all the way around.

5. Why the PG Rating?
Spies in Disguise earned its PG rating because of the action sequences and some mild scares when Killian gets particularly violent. Generally, the movie is pretty innocent and is similar to most other recent animated features.

6. Is a re-watching worth it?
We found a few items that were overlooked in the first viewing, and some foreshadowed items that the kids caught onto during the second screening. You will also want to check out the “Super Secret Spy Mode” during a second viewing… more on that later.

7. What lessons can the kids take away from the movie?
Walter’s gentler methods of conflict resolution in Spies in Disguise promote less violent (and in this case, very funny) disagreements. Kitten holograms, inflatable protective hugs, and sticky trapping goo are some of the weapons of choice for the oddly effective team.

8. Is the soundtrack any good?
The score for Spies in Disguise was composed by Theodore Shapiro (who has composed for films including 2016’s Ghostbusters, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, and the upcoming Trolls World Tour).

Lance carries his own soundtrack and spy-worthy speakers built into his tuxedo, combine that with Will Smith’s swagger and it makes the soundtrack an integral part of the character. The extra features in the home release include music videos (and “making of” shorts) for “Then There Were Two” by Ronson & Anderson Paak and “Freak of Nature” by Mark Ronson & Dodgr.

9. What special features are included in the home release?
There are great extras included on the home release Blu-Ray, including:

• Super Secret Spy Mode In-Movie Experience – watch this one the second time around, the directors will share great Easter eggs throughout the movie.
• Infiltrating Blue Sky Studios – absolutely watch this, it features many of the people that we met on our tour of the studio.
• The Top Secret Guide to Gadgets – if the kids (or you) are a technology lover, watch this one for details of Lance and Walter’s hardware.
• There is much more, including the exclusive “Lunch Break” short that is packaged with the digital download.

10. Is there anything during or after the credits?
At the very, very end of the credits there is a 32-bit style animation that drops down and says, “We did it.”—it is the same character that Walter uses for the game-version of himself jumping balconies in Venice.

Beautifully photographed, the latest film version of The Call of the Wild is a warm and family-friendly adventure story. Perhaps too family-friendly.

1. What is it about?

As you may remember from junior high English class, Jack London’s classic novel, The Call of the Wild, tells the story of of Buck, a happy family dog who finds himself dog-napped in California and sold to a dog-sled team in Alaska. His experiences in the Yukon gradually strip away the veneer of civilization and Buck’s instincts take over as he rediscovers the essence of his wolf ancestors within. The film follows the same basic story as the novel, with a deliberate softening of most of London’s dark and violent moments in order to produce a PG-rated version.

2. Will I like it?

There’s a lot to like. The cast provides engaging performances, the scenery and photography is beautiful, and the story, though lacking much of the power and drama that made the book a classic, is still a solid adventure story with an emotional core.

3. Will my kids like it?

Yes, especially if they are young and haven’t read the book.

4. Do I need to have read the book to enjoy it?

It’s probably better if you haven’t, to be honest. London’s novel, a mainstay of middle school reading lists for the past century, is an unflinching look at the brutality of nature, whether the unforgiving terrain and weather of the Klondike, the cruelty of some people, or the kill-or-be-killed ethos of wild animals. Of course, times have changed, and a book that was once recommended for grades 4 through 8 is now considered too scary and violent for 13-year-olds; a faithful adaptation of Call of the Wild would no doubt have to be at least rated PG-13, possibly R, so this may indeed be the only acceptable way to adapt the story for the people it was intended to reach. Chris Sanders and screenwriter Michael Green have sanded down all those edges. Where London tells a story of a family pet who survives the rugged Yukon and goes feral, Sanders and Green trim that down to a story of a dog who “learns to be his own master,” rendering the title hyperbole.

The resulting film is entertaining, but somewhat inconsequential, though it may spur some viewers to read the source material.

5. Is the rating appropriate?

Yes. The film minimizes or eliminates the book’s bloody confrontations—dog vs. dog, dog vs. bear/moose/wolf, dog vs. man, and man vs. man, and substitutes dog vs. the natural world, inventing an avalanche to test Buck’s courage and resourcefulness, and later sending Buck and Thornton down whitewater rapids, both scenes intended to add excitement and convey danger without involving any bloodshed.

6. When is a good time for a bathroom break?

About an hour in, when Thornton and Buck get into the canoe, you have almost 5 minutes of what’s basically a travelogue as they make their way down the river. Try to get back before they hit the rapids, but some of that’s in the trailer.

7. Is that a real dog?

Yes and no. Buck’s appearance is scanned from a real dog, a Saint Bernard-German Shepherd mix, picked up as a stray in Emporia, Kansas and adopted by Chris Sanders and his wife Jessica Steele-Sanders. His movements are performed by actor Terry Notary using motion-capture. Notary previously performed in King Kong: Skull Island, the Planet of the Apes films, and as Groot in the Marvel films. He makes a pretty convincing dog.

8. Who are the human characters?

The most prominent is of course Harrison Ford as John Thornton, a man who has fled his old life and traveled to the Klondike, not in search of gold, but in an effort to run away from his pain. French actor Omar Sy (Jurassic World) and Cara Gee (The Expanse) play Perrault and Françoise, a pair of couriers for the Royal Canadian Mail who drive the dogsled team that Buck is part of. Dan Stevens, Karen Gillan, and Colin Woodell (The Purge) are the world’s most incompetent would-be prospectors, who acquire the dogs and don’t have a clue how to handle them.

9. Was it filmed in the Yukon?

No, all of the scenes involving actors were shot in the Southern California town of Santa Clarita. The producers built a town, dug a river, and brought in massive snow-making machines. Everything anyone touches is real, but a lot of green-screen was used to extend the buildings and fill in the terrain. Also, all of the dogs are CGI, but scanned from real dogs.

10. Do I need to stay to the end of the credits?

Nope. The whole movie is in the movie. Credits fade to black, the end.

Note: There are no spoilers in this article beyond what has already been shown or referenced in trailers, ads, and merchandise. (There are spoilers for previous Star Wars films, but not this one.)

1. Is it better than The Last Jedi?

Yes, though of course how much better you’ll think it is depends a lot on your opinion of that notoriously divisive film. I’m one of the seemingly-few people who neither love nor hate The Last Jedi (TLJ), and my overall thoughts are: The Rise of Skywalker (TROS) has a much more interesting plot, a lot more fun, and much better cinematography. They are very different movies, really, in many ways: chiefly, that much of TROS‘s story keeps Rey, Finn, and Poe together (considering that Rey and Poe didn’t even meet until the end of TLJ), and there’s no completely unnecessary, lengthy subplot like Finn and Rose’s Canto Bight trip. What I’m trying to say is, whether you like the new movie may not have a lot to do with whether you liked the last one, so don’t go in prejudiced one way or the other.

2. Will fans be happy?

I’ve been a fan since there was just one movie, and I liked TROS; I can’t say I loved it, but it was a good movie and it definitely felt like Star Wars. There was certainly a lot of fan service; on the other hand, there was a lot of fan service. You remember how you felt at the end of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, when the endings just kept coming? The fan service moments felt like that to me when one in particular happened near the end, and my 18-year-old daughter, who’s loved the movies most of her life as well, agreed. It felt like I was being pandered to at the expense of the story and the brevity of the film, and it was just too much. You may feel differently, of course.

As a lifelong geek, and one who’s seen the original trilogy more times than I could possibly remember, I was more than a little annoyed by the continued expansion of what powers the Force confers on its users. One new power in particular, which is absolutely essential to the plot, is so weirdly unlike any powers we’ve seen before that it threatened to (but ultimately didn’t) ruin the film for me.

I could definitely have done with a few fewer gags, and particularly the ones that relied on misdirection. Funny is good, but you don’t go to a Star Wars film expecting a comedy. Also, there’s way too little R2-D2—I like BB-8, but if you’re going to do fan service you really should have more Artoo.

3. But will they be satisfied?

I’ve considered this question a lot, and I have to say yes. It isn’t a great movie, and it leaves many things unexplained, but director J.J. Abrams knows how to end a movie (a skill too many directors lack), and this one both ends itself very well and feels like a true ending to the Skywalker Saga.

4. I’ve heard it undoes a lot of the developments from TLJ. Is that true?

Very much so, and I’m conflicted about it. TLJ spent a great deal of time pushing the notion that having Force powers was not something that was unique to these few people, that the Jedi were really no better than anyone else, that heroes could come from anywhere. TROS does a full-reverse on that: Rey’s past is retconned, and the kid on Canto Bight who used the Force on his broom at the end of TLJ is neither seen nor mentioned (and there’s more, but I’m avoiding spoilers).

5. Should I rewatch the previous movies before seeing TROS?

I recommend at least rewatching the previous three: The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi for obvious reasons, and if you’ve seen the trailers you can probably guess why Return of the Jedi would be smart to include as well. If you’ve got the time, you should start with A New Hope and go from there, because being bombarded with references to the previous films gets even more tiresome if you know you’re missing some of them.

That being said, and while there are references to the prequel trilogy, I can’t bring myself to recommend that anyone see those movies, ever. If you like or at least don’t mind them that much, and have lots of time available, it wouldn’t hurt to watch them as well.

6. Will my kids like it?

If they love Star Wars, then almost certainly yes. If they’re cool or lukewarm (sorry) about Star Wars, then they’ll likely be bored and/or confused by much of it. They’ll like the gags, though, I’m sure.

7. How do the scenes with Leia work?

Awkwardly, for the most part. Abrams does an admirable job working her into the story at all, really, and I’m glad he was able to, because Leia and the late, great Carrie Fisher both unquestionably deserve to be in the conclusion to the Skywalker Saga. But you can tell when they’ve added characters to her scenes, and some of what she says and does doesn’t make a lot of sense if you really think about the plot and how the character of Leia really should be acting. There’s also a flashback scene with digitally-young Luke and Leia that I really wish they hadn’t included, or if they had, they had kept their faces hidden (you’ll understand when you see it).

8. When’s a good time for a bathroom break?

TROS is about 2.25 hours long, so this is definitely a concern. In most of the scenes, it’ll be reasonably easy to guess whether it’s going to be crucial to the story. Any of the less action-oriented scenes with Rey, Finn, and Poe together is a good choice, particularly when they arrive on the planet Kajimi. When you see Rey fly off on her own late in the movie, that’s the last time you should take a bathroom break if at all possible.

9. Does Baby Yoda appear at all?

Sorry, no. But there is a very cute, funny little creature named “Babu Frik” who figures in the story and might not have been included only for merchandising purposes. However, the new little droid, D-O, is so both cute and unnecessary to the story that it could not be more obviously there just to sell toys.

Bonus question (added later): Is it worth paying extra to see the movie in 3D? In IMAX?

I’ve now seen the film in regular and 3D versions, and, while I think the 3D was well done, it didn’t add enough to counterbalance the extra darkness the 3D process necessitates. It was still plenty enjoyable in 3D, but it was better in 2D, and cheaper. I haven’t seen it in IMAX, so I can’t tell you for certain, but given how cinematically spectacular much of the film is, I’d be willing to spend a few more bucks to see it that way.

Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker officially opens everywhere December 20, 2019, but everyone knows it really opens tonight, December 19. It is rated PG-13 in the U.S. and is suitable for anyone who’s seen any of the previous films in the series.

Disclosure: My daughter and I attended a free preview screening of the movie. All opinions expressed here are my own.

Images: Lucasfilm / Disney.

Lest I bury the lede here, let me start off by saying that Fire Emblem: Three Houses is another undeniable must-own for the Nintendo Switch. Developed jointly by Intelligent Systems and Koei Tecmo Games, it is a dramatic tour de force that puts a high fantasy anime epic in the palms of your hands.

But before you experience all of Three Houses‘ love, loss, betrayal, and betrothal, here are 10 things you should know.

Minor spoilers to follow.

What is Fire Emblem: Three Houses?

Three Houses is the latest entry in the long-running Fire Emblem tactical RPG series, a franchise that debuted in Japan all the way back in 1990 (on the Famicom) before eventually landing stateside (on the Game Boy Advance) in 2003. Though typified by its blend of classic medieval fantasy elements like swords, sorcery, and dragons as well as equally well-worn JRPG tropes like amnesiac protagonists and ancient prophecies, Fire Emblem is also known for its grand, sweeping narratives and its often-unyielding combat.

As the title implies, Fire Emblem: Three Houses allows your player character, the young mercenary Byleth (who can be male or female), to take direct control of training the officers from one of three rival nations. This is accomplished through an interesting mix of social simulation and turn-based battles.

With hundreds of hours of potential gameplay, you’ll make friends, thwart enemies, and ultimately shape the socio-political future of the continent of Fódlan.

What’s up with all the Hogwarts comparisons?

In a fairly Potter-esque twist, the three student houses of the Garreg Mach Monastery, the game’s central hub and the training academy of the powerful Church of Seiros, are divided as much by culture and temperament as they are by government and geography.

The Black Eagles represent the southern Adrestian Empire. A hereditary monarchy, the Adrestians are formal and remain fairly militaristic even in this time of relative peace. The Black Eagles favor axes and black magic in combat, and the house is headed up by the dignified but ambitious Edelgard von Hresvelg, daughter of Emperor Ionius IX and heir to his throne.

The pious and knightly Blue Lions represent the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, located in the northern reaches of Fódlan. Disciplined and chivalrous, the Lions are proficient with spears, and the house is lead by crown prince Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd.

Lastly, the Golden Deer house is comprised of students from the Leicester Alliance, a mix of nobles and commoners hailing from eastern Fódlan. Unlike the Adrestian Empire and the Holy Kingdom, Leicester is an autonomous republic with no particular disdain or reverence for the Church of Seiros. Following the lead of the genial future head of the Alliance, Claude von Riegan, Golden Deer is proudly a place for misfits.

There is, of course, no shortage of hormones, teen angst, and inter/intra-house drama, and no matter which path you pick, you’re sure to find favorite students among all these outsized personalities.

So it’s a teaching simulator?

Only sometimes. While you’ll definitely spend plenty of time on the fields of battle actively honing your house’s skills in magic and martial combat, you’ll alternately find opportunities at Garreg Mach Monastery, both in and out of the classroom, to help shape your young officers’ minds.

The game is broken down into a series of seasons, and at the beginning of each, you’ll receive a stipend for purchasing items and armaments as well a briefing by the Church’s big cheese, Archbishop Rhea, regarding your major seasonal task. In preparation for this training exercise, grand battle, or… school-wide dance contest, you’ll spend each week focusing on specific students and activities.

Weeks generally begin with direct instruction. Each student has one or two Goals, skills related to their current or potential future character class—a Mage, for example, would have Goals related to the Reason and Faith spellcasting skills—but Byleth can Tutor them in these or even unrelated skill proficiencies. One student may be Tutored for each available Activity Point, with additional Points being made available as the game progresses. Similarly, a student’s willingness to learn in these training sessions is expressed by a four-sectioned Motivation bar. The higher the Motivation, the more eager he or she is to learn.

After all the Activity Points have been spent, general weekly training commences. This is accompanied by some fairly generic lecture animation sprinkled with interactive dialog. Perhaps a student has a personal or philosophical question, or maybe our Mage has decided she would instead like to develop her Sword proficiency and become a Myrmidon. Either way, Byleth’s advice is typically taken to heart, which helps you fine-tune your fighting force going forward.

Any given week could have one or more mandatory activities, like a school event or emergency battle, as well as optional tasks. During student and faculty birthdays, for example, Byleth can give flowers or have tea with the birthday boy or girl, further strengthening their bond and supplementing the next week’s Motivation.

Each week ends with a free day. This time can be used to explore the monastery—gardening, fishing, dining with students, collecting provisions, completing special quests, or simply plying characters with gifts—participating in optional battles, exploring specialty seminars lead by savvy students and teachers, or even just resting.

That doesn’t sound like much fighting.

Trust me; you’ll have opportunities to slake your thirst for combat at every turn.

Between competing houses, marauding pirates, the Church of Seiros’ splintered offshoot the Western Church, demonic beasts, and the mysterious Flame Emperor, there is no shortage of foes.

While the schooling aspect of Three Houses may be new, the combat should be very intuitive to anyone who’s ever played a turn-based strategy title. Move your units around the gridded map, attack enemies within range, use Vulneraries (potions) or healer units to keep your warriors in top form, rinse, and repeat.

Fire Emblem‘s classic Weapons Triangle is downplayed in this title; however, weapon durability still plays a major role. This means it pays to have a couple of different weapons on hand for each officer, and it’s never a bad idea to hit up the local blacksmith to have favored arms repaired.

If you are an old-school FE player, you can choose the game’s Classic mode, which features permanent death for units who fall in battle. Or if, like me, you just get way too attached to your characters for such foolishness, you can instead play in Casual mode—wherein they just retreat from the fight when defeated. You can also employ the Divine Pulse ability to back yourself out of particularly messy missteps by turning back time and reassessing your previous foolhardy tactics.

Do I need to know anything about the world of Fire Emblem before I start Three Houses?

No, you don’t.

I mean, don’t get me wrong; there is a ton of backstory, complete with religious doctrine, political upheaval, and shrouded mythology, but Fire Emblem: Three Houses meters it out slowly and deliberately. If you’re really into the lore, you can go down a number of rabbit holes, complete with library reading and extensive character exposition alike, but if you’re more concerned with the now, much of that is optional or can be sped through with some rapid button presses.

Still, if you’d like a bit of a primer, the big plot points (without being too spoiler-y) are as follows.

The Present

• The Church of Seiros is the primary power player in the land of Fódlan—so much so that its Garreg Mach Monastery in the continent’s center trains the young leaders of its three main political factions.
• Many of these officers in training possess Crests, magical, hereditary sigils that allow them to use powerful weapons known as Hero’s Relics.

The Past

• A thousand years ago, the War of Heroes raged between the founder of the Church, Seiros, and the opposing forces of Nemesis.
• Nemesis was defeated and, for a time, Great Emperor Wilhelm Paul Hresvelg, crowned by Saint Seiros herself, held sway throughout the expansive Adrestian Empire.
• Eventually, alliances shifted and animosity grew. With the continent split between those loyal to the Empire (Adrestian Empire), loyal to the Church (Holy Kingdom), and those who splintered off in favor of relative neutrality (Leicester Alliance), the Church of Seiros itself stepped in to keep the peace.
• Because of this, many still resent the Church and its hold on Fódlan.

The Protagonist

• Though raised outside of the direct influence of both the Church and the Empire by his father Jeralt, Byleth is drawn back into their political machinations, seemingly by fate.
• Also, Byleth has a magical green-haired girl, Sothis, who sometimes talks to them in their dreams. (Yeah, it’s that kind of a game.)

How does it control?

While gridded, turn-based combat doesn’t exactly require the fine-tuning of an FPS, Fire Emblem: Three Houses does afford an exquisite level of control on the battlefield. Characters are moved (and terrain scouted) using either the left analog stick or the corresponding directional buttons. The right stick is reserved for on-the-fly camera adjustment, and, when combined with the + and – zoom controls, really lets you stay on top of things.

The free-roaming controls as you explore the Monastery are a little less polished but still perfectly adequate. There’s some occasional clipping going through doorways while quickly entering or leaving smaller rooms, but otherwise, the game does a great job of keeping the environments seamless by cordoning off access until it’s needed. That way, rather than hitting you with regular load screens, you instead just wait a beat for a portcullis to open before you proceed.

As far as I’m concerned, the Switch has revolutionized the control interface for the Fire Emblem franchise. While playing, I’m continually reminded that I’m enjoying a historically portable property with all the bells and whistles of a full-blown console title.

How are the visuals?

From its earliest days, Fire Emblem has always strived for a fantasy anime aesthetic, but there’s long been a stark demarcation between the lush character portraits and the blocky in-game sprites.

At last, Three Houses succeeds in unifying Fire Emblem‘s visuals. Obviously, there’s a bit more fidelity to its handsomely animated cut scenes, but the overall visual style is consistent throughout. This means the lazy but clever Hilda in the pre-mission movies is instantly recognizable as the very same Hilda on the battlefield.

That goes a long way in helping the player build a rapport with their chosen house. If, for example, Dorothea falls during a skirmish, it is her and not merely some generic-looking Archer or Dancer that dies or retreats, which provides much more of an impact.

What about the voice acting?

Much has been said about the voice cast of Three Houses—most recently because of the questionable behavior of some and the wonderfully entertaining endeavors of others—but it really is a highlight of the game.

From the stilted, uptight delivery of Seteth to the gregarious goofiness of the muscle-bound Raphael, the voicework adds another enchanting element to each of the game’s varied characters. It’s yet another reason why you’ll likely find yourself quickly picking favorites to dote over and protect.

How big a deal is the romance element?

Romantic entanglement is as much a part of the modern Fire Emblem franchise as enigmatic warriors and convoluted lore. However, I was a little surprised to see it downplayed in Three Houses‘ lengthy first half. (With the obvious exception of the regular advances from your fellow instructor, the unapologetically amorous Manuela.)

I was also relieved, given that most of your potential suitors are, at the time, high-school age. The game takes great pains to remind you that Byleth is practically the same age, but as Byleth is also the professor instructing these teens, there’s an uncomfortable power dynamic at play.

After part two’s time jump, with the rest of the cast aged-up and presented more as equals, the ick level comes down a few notches. That said, there are still some issues with Three Houses‘ relationship elements; the chief among these concerns same-sex courtships.

For those unfamiliar with the franchise, a staple of Fire Emblem is the Support Conversation. These are opportunities both on and off the field of battle to build and strengthen bonds between members of your fighting force.

It typically follows the traditional C to A ranking system, wherein interpersonal relationships are given a letter grade. Some character relationships, however, can level up to S-rank, resulting in romance and, ultimately, marriage.

It was widely reported before the game’s launch that Fire Emblem: Three Houses would include multiple options for same-sex relationships, implying some choices for both male-male and female-female pairings.

Unfortunately, while there are several choices for a female Byleth looking for a ladylove, a male Byleth only has one unambiguous potential male romantic partner, Black Eagle’s Lindhardt. (S-rankings with Knights of Seiros/academy instructors Alois and Gilbert are unexpectedly framed as platonic.)

This lead to some obvious frustration in LQBTQIA+ gaming circles. For more information on this, I’d highly recommend checking out the coverage at Kotaku and Paste as well as this thread from our very own Sean Z.

Who will enjoy Fire Emblem: Three Houses?

As I alluded to /checks the count/ a couple of thousand words ago, Fire Emblem: Three Houses is spectacular, but whether or not you love it as much as I do depends a lot on what you’re looking for in a gaming experience.

If you’ve enjoyed previous entries in the Fire Emblem, Final Fantasy Tactics, or Advance Wars franchises, then this is the game for you. If you’re in the market for an extensive roleplaying experience that can also be enjoyed it bite-sized chunks, again, this title more than fits the bill.

If, however, ambitious world-building leaves you scratching your head or maintaining the balance of multiple character relationships makes you want to run to the hills, then perhaps Fire Emblem: Three Houses shouldn’t be at the top of your playlist.

For me, though, Three Houses brings in everything I’ve come to expect from Fire Emblem (one of my favorite series) along with some expanded social simulation elements (like from my other favorite series, Animal Crossing), and blends them into a perfectly portable tactical RPG that plays like its console big brothers. In short, even with four months left in 2019, it is surely my game of the year.

Review materials provided by Nintendo of America. This post contains affiliate links. Raphael is my homeboy. Golden Deer forever!

Godzilla: King of the Monsters, a sort-of follow up to Gareth Edwards’ fantastic 2014 film, opens this weekend, and we saw it so that you don’t have to.

1. What is it about?

King of the Monsters exists in the same universe as the 2014 Godzilla movie, which is a universe in which giant creatures called Titans exist on Earth. For reasons that have nothing to do with anything other than driving an otherwise weak plot forward, the titular monster is a good monster who is interested in protecting humans (but definitely not human infrastructure) from the bad monsters, which is pretty much all of the rest of them.

These monsters have been tracked, studied, and now contained by a pseudo-government worst-kept-secret society called Monarch, which are the only people who get that Godzilla is on our side, and are trying to keep the military from killing him. The fact that the first movie basically established that Godzilla is unkillable isn’t important.

In this sequel, Kyle Chandler and Vera Farmiga are a divorced couple who lost their son when Godzilla wiped out San Francisco. Now, Farmiga works for Monarch and lives in one of apparently dozens of “secret” facilities with her teenage daughter (Stranger Things’ Millie Bobby Brown) and one of the creatures (CGI’s Mothra.) Chandler turned to nature photography to learn to cope, but is quickly brought back into his ex-wife’s escapades. Charles Dance plays an eco terrorist who has decided that the best way to save life on earth is to unleash these monsters to wipe out life on earth. Bradley Whitford, Ziyi Zhang, David Straithairn, Sally Hawkins, and a whole lot of others ensure that basically every scene is overcrowded with familiar faces. Ken Watanabe is the only actor from the original film to return, which probably means he needs a new agent.

2. What other monsters are in this one?

Honestly, it’s probably easier to list the monsters of this universe that aren’t in the film: King Kong and Mechagodzilla. Otherwise, the studio basically took every other creature from 65+ years of Godzilla films and crammed them into this movie. There are a few that are recoginzable to casual Godzilla fans like yours truly, including Rodan, Mothra, and Ghidorah, but there are a bunch of others that pop up in the mnay, many “destroy random cities” sequences.

King Kong is the odd one missing here. It makes sense once you realize that they are obviously saving him for next year’s Godzilla vs King Kong, but the mutilple references to Skull Island are a bit jarring once you catch on that we probably aren’t going to see Kong. And Mechagodzilla is presumably missing because he doesn’t really fit this mythology, which stipulates that the monsters have been on Earth for millennia.

3. Is it at least entertaining?

No. This is a poorly conceived, very poorly executed mess of a movie.

For starters, there are way too many characters and way too many plot twists to a) keep track of and b) reasonably fit into a slightly-over-2-hour film. I’m assuming that most of the characters were given names, but I stopped caring early on and only bothered to learn Millie Bobby Brown’s character’s name—Maddie—because it seemed like Kyle Chandler’s character mostly just says (or, at least as often, shouts) her name throughout the movie.

The bigger issue, though, is that the creators of these films have painted themselves into a corner. We know from the first movie that Godzilla basically can’t be killed, and he is the title character, and we know he’s coming back, so there’s never any dramatic tension in his fights. Ghidorah, Rodan, and Mothra, though, have a related problem: like Godzilla, they are impervious to anything the humans through at them, and mostly can’t kill each other, either. So the movie fairly quickly boils down to: humans talk, humans try and fail to shoot conventional weapons at the monsters, monsters fight each other to a draw. Rinse, repeat… for over two hours.

Movies—all movies—exist in their own universe that is entirely separate from our own. I don’t have a problem accepting that these movies exist in a world where giant monsters are real but have existed since, well, basically since forever, with only one creature per species. So movies do not need to follow things like the Laws of Physics, since those exist in our universe, not the universe in the movies.

That said, I do expect a movie to be consistent with its universe. If you’ve established, say, that the giant monsters are real, then cool. But you can’t have a universe in which in one scene, the Air Force fired a whole lot of missiles at Rodan, and he’s able to easily blow them off. But later, that same Air Force firing (we assume) the same types of missiles, do manage to hurt Rodan.

But on top of all of that, the movie is almost a collection of really dumb scenes stitched carelessly together, rather than something trying to drive a story forward. For example, we get a scene early on where American fighters throw a ton of missiles at Rodan, and while it seems to anger him, he’s able to brush it off and continue. But later, the same type of fighters fire what we have to assume the same type of missiles and manage to hurt him.

One of the more ridiculous points happens somewhat early on, but also with Rodan. I can’t tell you how or why it’s so stupid without revealing a small spoiler about the movie, so if you want to see what I’m talking about, click the spoiler area below.

The worst part of all of this, though, is that in the end, the movie is really quite boring. By about the third or fourth time a hero is being threatened by Ghidorah and Godzilla shows up moments before the hero dies, there’s little left to hold anyone’s interest.

And if one more character just happened to have a whole bunch of conveniently prepared visuals to help them illustrate the point they were making, I was going to scream.

4. Will my kids like it?

My guess is that kids are going to find the movie to be loud and long and aggressively stupid, just like adults.

5. What’s it rated? Why?

The movie is rated PG-13 “for sequences of monster action violence and destruction, and for some language.”

The first part of that is obvious. Not quite as clear from the MPAA’s description is that the movie has a pretty high body count. We expect a whole lot of implied deaths when monsters ravage cities, but in addition to that, there are dozens of people who get shot, including one execution-style. There’s no blood, but lots and lots of bodies laying around. And on more than one occasion, people get eaten. The violence is much more akin to that seen in King Kong.

The bad language is downright pervasive. The MPAA only cares about what words are said, and not how often and by whom, so because no one says the “F” word this movie gets the “some language” description, but the “S” word is used throughout the movie, including multiple times by the teen Millie Bobby Brown.

6. Is it worth seeing in 3D?

It’s not worth seeing in any dimension, but because the showtime happened to work out for me, I did see it in 3D. One of the very few things I can say that’s positive about this movie is that at least it doesn’t do that obnoxious 3D thing where characters throw things at the screen just because. Overall, the 3D is relatively subtle, although there are a few scenes that show Rodan’s volcano from the top of a church, and the 3D effect made the cross on the church look like someone in the audience was holding a cross in front of the projector, which I found more than a bit distracting.

7. When’s a good time to take a break to go to the bathroom?

Most of the middle of the film has to do with monsters fighting each other, so getting up during any random monster fight will mean you miss a much of costly CGI, but not much else. There’s also a too-long sequence in a submarine that can be safely skipped.

8. Are there any extras after the credits?

The first part of the credits show a bunch of headlines about how the movie’s main human villain was apparently right. They are laugh-out-loud ridiculous.

There is also a scene at the very end of the credits, but disappointingly, it’s not a surprise King Kong appearance.

Note: There are no spoilers for Avengers: Endgame in this article, beyond what has already been shown, referenced, or very clearly hinted at in trailers, ads, and merchandise. There ARE spoilers for many of the previous Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) films, particularly Avengers: Infinity War, for what I hope are obvious reasons.

Also note: There is one possible extremely minor spoiler, but it is hidden such that you have to click on it to be spoiled.

1. Does it live up to its promise?

And how. Avengers: Endgame is the best superhero movie I’ve ever seen. Already full of action, plot, and special effects, because it could not exist without those, it nonetheless manages to be at turns very poignant and very funny. I’m sure there are people out there who would dislike this movie, but I can’t for the life of me figure out why. The movie raises at least as many questions as it answers, has plot holes that will likely never be resolved, and lasts for three hours, but none of those matter at all while you watch it. It grabs you and pulls you along for a rollercoaster ride of complex story, callbacks to previous MCU movies, humor from unexpected places, and very serious pathos. If no scene in this movie makes you cry or makes you (try to) stop yourself from jumping out of your seat cheering, get yourself checked out in case you’re unknowingly a robot or a Vulcan.

I would also add that the movie is very satisfying. As someone who’s seen all the previous movies – even the subpar Iron Man 2 and Thor: The Dark World – I was afraid that Endgame wouldn’t feel as… conclusive as it does. I don’t mean it concludes the entire MCU, of course, but it made me feel like I’d gotten my money’s and time’s worth for what I’d invested in the 21 movies that preceded it.

2. Should I bring my kids to see it?

If they’ve seen Avengers: Infinity War, you must take them to Endgame, because it would be cruel to let the story end there for anyone. If they haven’t seen Infinity War, you should show them that first – assuming they’re ready for it of course.

3. Which previous MCU movies should I watch or re-watch to get the full effect of the new one?

Endgame is a direct sequel to Infinity War, so you absolutely should re-watch that. The aforementioned callbacks to previous MCU movies reference nearly all 21 of them (if not actually all – I wasn’t counting). You won’t get the full effect of Endgame if you don’t catch those callbacks, but if you’ve seen the films at least once – even if not that recently – you’ll probably get most. And I’m not sure the I-got-the-inside-joke chuckles are worth spending hours viewing other films unless you’ve got a ton more time on your hands than I do.

GeekDad writer Greg Howley wrote an excellent, more detailed article on the subject last month.

4. When’s a good time for a bathroom break?

There aren’t any; there are only bad times and worse times. I really wish Disney/Marvel had put an intermission in the movie, because it’s three hours long and jam-packed with story, leaving no extraneous scenes. However, they didn’t, movie theater drinks are big, and human bladders can only hold so much. So:

The first least-worst time is in the second act (I’m assuming that if you go before the movie starts you can at least make it through the first act without needing to go again). It’s hard to explain without spoilers, but wait for the group to return to the Avengers HQ and do some science-y stuff. After someone refers to some testing beginning, you have a window of a few minutes in which no essential plot points are made. You’ll miss some of the (surprisingly large amount of) humor, but you can’t have it both ways.

The next time is later in the second act, when Thor arrives at his destination for his part of the mission (keeping it as vague as I can). There’s some very funny moments and a little plot in the next few minutes, but you’ll still be able to figure out what’s going on when you return to your seat.

The third act is entirely full of worst times to leave the theater. I mean it: there are moments of humor, but some of them also move the plot forward, and those that don’t are so brief there’s no way to make the trip in time. If you just have to go during the third act, I suggest you don’t wait too long, because of course you don’t want to miss the climactic moments, and I suggest you perform the required activity as quickly as humanly possible.

See question 6 below for another hint.

5. Is it worth paying more to see it in 3D and/or IMAX?

The preview screening I attended was the normal 2D version, and it was absolutely fine. Without having seen it in either 3D or IMAX I can’t be sure, but I suspect 3D would help in quite a few scenes where more pronounced depth could make the action easier to follow. On the other hand, 3D rendering makes movies darker (by necessity), and Endgame has a lot of already-dark scenes, so there may be a tradeoff there. I’m not sure I’d advise IMAX, because there’s already so much going on on screen that seeing it on a huge screen might make it more difficult to follow. Again, these are just speculation based on seeing only the 2D version.

6. Do I have to stay through the end credits for an extra scene?

No, you don’t. That’s not a typo: this is the first MCU movie with no mid- or end-credits scene. Once you see the last scene in the film, you’ll understand why nothing else should or could possibly need to follow it. So this is good news for those for whom nature is calling, because you won’t miss anything by leaving the theater as soon as the credits start to roll.

I should mention that there is one audio extra at the very end. When the Marvel Studios logo appears, there is a noise to be heard. It’s not dialogue, and it’s not completely clear what the noise means, so I’d say it’s really not worth waiting that long for. If you want to know what the sound is, expand the hidden (very minor) spoiler below:

I have a theory about what the sound means, which I’ve discussed in this article [SPOILERS].I’ll explain in a subsequent article regarding questions raised by the movie. I’ll put a link to that article here when it’s published.

Disclosure: I was invited to a free press screening of Avengers: Endgame. All opinions expressed here are my own.

Images: Marvel/Disney.

NOTE: A lot about the movie was already covered in my article from a few days ago. Some of what I say here is going to be similar to some of what I said there.

1. What’s it about?

Missing Link, which opens today (April 12, 2019), centers around three characters: Primarily, Sir Lionel Frost (voiced by Hugh Jackman), a skilled explorer who nonetheless cares more about his status with regard to other explorers than he does about actual exploration; Mr. Link (voiced by Zach Galifianakis), a surprisingly well-read and well-spoken, but lonely, sasquatch; and Adelina Fortnight (voiced by Zoe Saldana), a skilled adventurer herself, but is struggling to start the next chapter of her life following the untimely death of her husband.

The film takes place in an unspecified year in the late 1800s. The plot, basically, is that Sir Lionel is trying to get a group of other British explorers to accept him, yet due to lack of evidence he is persistently unable to do so despite making some pretty remarkable discoveries. He discovers (sort of) Mr. Link, who agrees to come back to England with him to prove that Sir Lionel is a great explorer, but only if Sir Lionel first takes him to find his Himalayan brethren, the yetis. In order to fulfill this request, Sir Lionel enlists the aid (sort of) of an old flame of his, Adelina. And then their adventure begins, all the while being hunted by a hit man hired by one of the other British explorers who wants more than anything to stop Sir Lionel from succeeding.

2. Will I like it?

It’s a very likable film. I’m certain some people will enjoy it more than others, but that’s always the case; regardless, I can’t see how anyone could seriously dislike it. It’s definitely a lighter story than the last film LAIKA – the studio who made the film – made, Kubo and the Two Strings. It’s very funny, as you’d expect from any movie with Galafianakis, who voices the naive, very literal Mr. Link very entertainingly. Saldana does an excellent job as Adelina, who’s anything but the stereotypical woman on a voyage in movies – and Saldana adds a bit of a Hispanic accent to enhance the verisimilitude. Hugh Jackman – here doing a British accent despite being Australian and not physically in the movie – does a good job as Sir Lionel, who has to evolve during the movie from a completely selfish person to a still-but-less-completely selfish person.

3. Will my kid(s) like it?

Missing Link is rated PG, and is OK for most kids. There are some scenes of peril, and things get pretty tense with the hit man and his thugs trying to kill the protagonists. But it’s really no worse than what’s in your average Disney animated film, and at least in this film nobody’s parents die. And Adelina is a refreshingly awesome female protagonist.

4. What about the animation?

Honestly, this is the rare movie that would be worth seeing just for the animation, even if the story and characters weren’t as engaging as they are. LAIKA does stop-motion animation, and they’re one of the very few places in the world that still does. The constructs they made for the characters, to be able to show different emotions, are so wonderfully-made that it’s almost possible to forget you’re watching animation at all.

5. Is it worth paying extra to see in 3D?

The preview screening I attended was in standard 2D, so I can’t say for sure. But it was so excellent in 2D that I can’t imagine 3D would add a great deal to it. You won’t be sorry if you save a little money and see it in 2D, is what I’m saying.

6. When’s a good time for a bathroom break?

Missing Link is just about 95 minutes long. There are very few scenes that could be considered crucial to the story to the point where missing it would make you utterly confused when you returned, so I’d say that as long as it’s not during a tense moment or right at the end, you should go.

7. Do I have to stick around through the end credits for a bonus scene?

The end credits themselves are awesome to watch, with photos and drawings and such being moved around by Mr. Link as they roll. And there is a little bit at the end. It’s generally worth it to stay to watch, but if you need to answer a call of nature, it’s probably not (and you can see it on video, eventually).

Note: I attended a press junket for this movie. All opinions expressed here are my own.

Images: LAIKA Studios

Fighting With My Family, the new biopic about professional wrestling, opens in theaters this weekend. Should you take the kids or hire a sitter? Read on to find out.

1. What is it about?

This based-on-true-events movie follows the rise of professional wrestler Paige, who, at the age of 21 became the youngest woman to win the WWE Diva Championship. The movie follows her upbringing in a wrestling-obsessed working class family in England, her introduction and training to become a WWE wrestler, and the struggles of a young woman who feels like an outsider dealing with, well, life.

2. How accurate is it?

I’ll start out here by admitting that the sequences of wrestling in the movie are far and away the most wrestling I’ve ever watched. I’d never heard of Paige before last night. So, in order to answer this question, I read her biography on Wikipedia. From that, I can say that the broad outlines of the movie stick closely to her life story, but, as with all biopics, the movie takes quite a few liberties on the details, compressing a lot of the story along the way.

3. Who is in movie?

Paige is played by actress Florence Pugh, who might be recognizable to our readers from her role in Netflix’s Outlaw King. Lena Headey plays her mother, while frequent Simon Pegg collaborator Nick Frost plays her dad. The coach who selects and trains Paige is played by Vince Vaughn. Dwayne Johnson, who produced the film, and other former WWE stars make cameos throughout.

4. What is the movie rated? Why?

The movie is rated PG-13 for “crude and sexual material, language throughout, some violence and drug content”. Let’s break that down.

The “language throughout” is well-deserved. There’s quite a bit of swearing, including multiple “s” and “f” words and lots of references to body parts, particularly mens’.

“Some violence”… well, yeah. It’s a movie about wrestling. If you don’t expect “some violence”, I’m not sure what movie you thought you were seeing, but it isn’t this one.

The “drug content” is, I think, actually pretty positive. There’s a subplot in the movie where Paige’s brother, Zak, runs a wrestling training program. Every day, he drives around the city picking up his students, and one of them is essentially choosing between wrestling and being pulled into the gang that dominates his housing complex. (The gang leader, by the way, is played by the real-life Zak.) So yes, there are drugs, but the movie has a strong anti-drug message.

I saved the first note in the rating for last because it’s the odd one to me. The “crude” part, I think, is a further reference to the language. But the “sexual material” is a bit of a stretch. The other three women who are training with Paige, but also in a way competing with her, are all shown to be former models, and are almost exclusively shown in either bikinis or very tight workout clothes, but the movie is clearly making a comment about the exploitation of women by the WWE with them.

But one thing that I feel the movie does very well is in not sexualizing the character of Paige. A quick Google search on her shows that she very often wears tight, revealing outfits, which again seems to be par for the course for women in wrestling. And yet, the movie goes out of its way to not ever dress her this way, I think because they really wanted to show that she was there because she was a wrestler, not just another hot body.

5. Will my kids like it?

Younger kids probably won’t. It’s a pretty talky movie, and again, there are lots and lots of bad words. But teens likely will, even if they aren’t fans of wrestling.

The movie has several positive messages beyond the anti-drug one mentioned earlier. The overall story here is of a young woman who is given the chance to pursue her dream, but then discovers that doing so will be far harder than she imagined, so she needs to decide if its worth it, while also figuring out how she can remain true to herself.

The other important story follows her brother Zak, who like Paige dreams of becoming a professional wrestler. But unlike his sister, he doesn’t move on past the try-outs, and so must face the reality that he will not accomplish his dream, and has to deal with that disappointment while also watching his sister succeed.

I plan to take my 13-year-old son to see it.

6. Will I like it?

As I said above, I don’t follow wrestling in the slightest. I went to see the movie because the trailers made it look pretty funny. And it certainly was that–there are many laugh-out-loud moments throughout. What I wasn’t expecting was how much heart the movie has. While it is in the end a pretty formulaic underdog sports movie (including, of course, a training montage), I thoroughly enjoyed the movie.

7. How long is the movie?

Given the continuing trend of movies to get longer and longer (of this year’s nine Oscar Best Picture nominees, only The Favourite is under 2 hours), it’s nice to see a tightly edited film like Fighting, which clocks in at only 1 hour, 48 minutes.

8. When’s a good time to sneak out to the restroom?

The movie is short enough that hopefully you won’t have to, but there are a few training sequences where you can go without missing much if you hurry. The obligatory training montage, unfortunately, occurs in the last act, so if you’ve waited until then you can probably make it through to the end.

9. Is there anything during or after the credits?

As the credits begin, there are a series of home movies of Paige’s real life family, followed by scenes from her first big win. In them, we find that several of the scenes from the movie were basically shot-by-shot recreations of real events. We also learn that the actors chosen to the play the parts all very closely resemble their real-life counterparts, which is fairly rare in biopics like this.

The sequel to the surprisingly good Happy Death Day opens this weekend. Should you take the kids? Read on.

1. What is it about?

This sequel to 2017’s Happy Death Day follows basically the same Scream-meets-Groundhog Day formula as the first: college student Tree (Jessica Rothe) keeps getting killed on her birthday, but each time, she wakes up again and has to start the day over. But, there’s a surprising twist early on in the movie that makes this more than just a money-grab sequel for the studio.

2. The first movie didn’t seem to leave the door open for a sequel. How does this movie pull it off?

This second entry essentially retcons the first movie. It turns out what Tree (and us in the audience) thought happened in the first movie wasn’t what happened at all. Instead, there was an entirely different reason for the events in the original, and thus, the sequel.

I know that sounds far-fetched, but I’m trying to explain here without giving anything away. Just take my word for it that the retconning totally works here.

3. I haven’t seen the first one. Do I need to?

Absolutely. The sequel picks up pretty much right where the original left off, and it chock full of references to the first movie. Anyone walking into this one cold is going to be really lost really fast.

The good news is that the first movie is definitely worth watching anyway (it has a 71% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes). It doesn’t seem to be included in any of the big streaming services, but can be rented online from Amazon Prime for $0.99.

4. What’s it rated. Why?

The movie is rated PG-13 by the MPAA for “violence, language, sexual material and thematic elements.”

The violence part is obvious: as I said above, Tree dies over and over in the movie, often at the hands of someone dressed as the world’s creepiest college mascot. But, there isn’t an excessive amount of gore.

Language is definitely there. Pretty much the whole host of bad words.

The sexual material is fairly mild. No one actually has sex in the movie, but every time Tree wakes up she’s in the bed of Carter, her first-movie boyfriend (their relationship in the second film is complicated) wearing a t-shirt and panties, but she immediately gets dressed when she wakes. And there is a scene, shown in the trailers, where she jumps out of an airplane in her underwear. But there’s honestly quite a bit more sex on a lot of prime time TV shows than there is in this movie.

The “thematic elements”, I’m guessing, are the horror aspects of the movie. Keep reading for more on that.

5. Will my kids like it?

I’d probably keep younger kids away, but teens will likely enjoy it. (Provided, as mentioned above, that they’ve seen the first movie.)

6. Will I enjoy it?

I really liked the first movie, so I went into this with fairly high expectations, and I’m happy to say that it lived up to them. In fact, I enjoyed the movie more than I expected to, and might even go so far as to say I enjoyed it more than the first one.

7. Is it still a horror film?

No. The first movie really is–Tree is being stalked by a serial killer, and on many days ends up being violently killed (although, in true Groundhog Day fashion, she does kill herself a bunch of times to intentionally reset the day.)

This movie is much closer to a comedy than a horror film. There are still a few jump scares, and a lot still revolves around the person in the creepy baby mask. but while the first movie certainly had comedic elements, there are dramatically amped up in this movie, while the horror elements are pushed to the side. Most importantly, Tree trying to avoid a violent death isn’t what really drives this story at all. It’s much more a heartfelt story about love, loss, and redemption. The movie has an emotional center that the first one didn’t, even to the point that I almost teared up a few times.

8. Who from the original cast is back?

Pretty much everyone. In addition to Rothe, Israel Broussard returns as Carter, Ruby Modine is back as Lori, and Rachel Matthews returns as Danielle. Phi Vu is back as Carter’s roommate Ryan, but in a dramatically expanded role.

9. When’s a good time to go pee?

The movie is pretty short–only 1 hour, 40 minutes long–so hopefully you can make it through. But if not, the “death montage”, where Tree needs to repeatedly reset the day and comes up with a bunch of creative ways to kill herself, is a good time to sneak out for a few minutes. You’ll miss some laughs (including what is probably the single funniest moment in the movie), but you won’t miss any important story.

10. Is there anything during or after the credits?

A few minutes into the credits, there is one additional scene that expands on the ending of the movie and provides one more laugh.

1. What’s it about?

Despite the title (and its obvious play on Rudyard Kipling’s The Man Who Would Be King), The Kid Who Would Be King is a “reimagining” of The Once and Future King. It’s the King Arthur/Sword in the Stone story in modern-day London with modern-day stakes. Twelve-year-old Alex Elliott and his best friend are freshmen in high school and getting bullied by the self-proclaimed “king” of the school. A sequence of events leads Alex to an abandoned construction site, where he finds a sword embedded in a broken piece of foundation. He pulls it out – and just like that – he awakens Morgana and summons Merlin to his aid. Yep, it’s THAT sword in the stone. Excalibur.

One thing leads to another, Morgana wants to steal the sword and take over the world, and she starts sending demon soldiers up to Earth to hunt down Alex and Excalibur. Except when that happens, all adults disappear and time stands still. Which leaves Alex and his friends alone to fight off Morgana’s evil.

With the help of Merlin, his best friend Bedders, and two enemies-turned-knights (the two bullies from school, conveniently named Lance and Kaye), Alex goes on a quest to find his long-lost father, whom he is convinced will provide answers and help.

2. Who’s in it?

The film largely stars a cast of young actors you might not have seen before. Louis Ashbourne Serkis (son of Gollum himself, Andy Serkis) was perhaps the biggest surprise of the movie for me. He’s remarkably good in the leading role and totally believable as the titular “kid,” Alex. He more than carries the weight of the film on his shoulders. But he’s not alone. His “round table” is . . . ahem . . . rounded out with Tom Taylor (Lance), Rhianna Dorris (Kaye), and newcomer Dean Chaumoo (Bedders).

It’s Angus Imrie, though, who chews through the scenery and steals the show. He excels as Young Merlin and is able to provide both the comedy relief and the believability that he’s a wise old soul (in a backwards-aging Merlin) and a younger/older version of Sir Patrick Stewart. It feels like Imrie treated the role as an audition for Doctor Who, and I’d say he knocked it out of the park. Don’t be surprised if he gets the gig in 10-20 years.

The two faces you will most recognize are Sir Patrick Stewart as Merlin, who appears in that form whenever the plot requires some gravitas or serious exposition that only Stewart can provide. He’s not in the film much, but his scenes are well worth the ride.

Rebecca Ferguson also stars as the villain Morgana, though most of the time she’s buried under prosthetics and make-up. The rest of the time? She’s a CGI monster. Again, she’s not actually on screen for very long, and all of her dialogue is delivered in an evil whisper.

It’s incredibly impressive that five relatively unknown kids outshine two such well-known and impressive talents.

3. Will my kids enjoy it?

Very likely. The advance screening I attended was about half kids, and they all seemed to love it (my own two kids included). They laughed at all the right places, they were on the edge of their seats at all the others, and they never seemed to be lost or bored. The comments I overheard on the way out of the theater were all glowing.

Despite many recent films’ attempts to capitalize our nostalgia and re-create the Steven Spielberg joy of 80s kid adventure films, The Kid Who Would Be King actually feels like it delivers. Director Joe Cornish doesn’t slavishly follow the tropes of what he thinks made those films so beloved; he charts a new course and makes the film feel fresh.

This, I imagine, is what The Goonies would feel like if it were made in 2019. At its heart, the movie is a wish-fulfillment film about kids (nerdy, bullied kids) going on an epic quest and saving the world, and it absolutely hits that sweet spot with full force.

But it also avoids the easy trap of telling a story where Alex is the “chosen one” who must use Excalibur to save the world from angry demons. Yes, there’s some of that, but that’s not an incredibly helpful message for a modern young audience.

The movie doesn’t scream “BE A HERO” but rather shows kids that they all can – and should – simply be good people. Whoa. Revolutionary, right?? It’s the willingness of Alex and his friends to be honest, loyal, kind, forgiving, and loving that will help them save the day. Their power comes not from being “chosen” but from being decent. And it’s that decency that helps them heal the rifts (both literal and figurative) that are tearing the world apart.

4. Will I enjoy it?

See above. If you’re a fan of 80s kid adventures, you’ll very likely find yourself enjoying this one very much. I’ll be honest; I wasn’t expecting much based solely on the trailer. But I was right there with the kids, enjoying the heck out of this film.

I was also surprised at how much the film (and writer/director Joe Cornish) has to say here. Sure, there’s the obvious “don’t be a bully” message, but the overriding message is one about the power of positive leadership and what happens in the vacuum created when our leaders fail. Adults will be able to connect the dots too and recognize the pretty blatant commentary on Brexit and the Trump administration. But apparent to everyone is the film’s core belief that the future belongs to kids, and the best thing we can all do (and will eventually need to do) is get out of their way and let them change the world . . . or save it, as the case may be.

5. Do we need to be familiar with the legend of King Arthur?

No. The film fills you in on everything you need to know to understand THIS story. It assumes you’re at least passingly familiar with the legend (or Disney’s The Sword in the Stone), but you certainly don’t need to do any homework in advance.

6. What’s it rated? Anything objectionable?

The movie is directed by Joe Cornish, who broke onto the scene with the R-rated Attack the Block. But The Kid Who Would Be King is very much family friendly. It’s rated PG for “fantasy action violence, scary images, thematic elements including some bullying, and language.” Rebecca Ferguson’s Morgana can be scary for younger children, especially since she spends 2/3 of her screen time enmeshed in the roots of a tree. It’s really rather creepy, and I wouldn’t blame the kiddos from looking away.

There’s a lot of action and sword fighting during the film, but it’s almost entirely against flaming skeleton soldiers on horseback. When defeated, they simply crumble into a pile of bones. There’s no blood at all. However, it’s all kids wielding the swords, which might inspire some mimicry and pretend sword fighting at home after the fact.

The climax of the film takes place in school, and the entire student body is suited up in armor and battling demons. Most of the fighting is Home Alone-esque with booby traps – rather than violent hand-to-hand combat – but it could still be traumatizing for some kids to see scenes of destruction and violence inside a school.

7. When’s a good time for a pee break?

The film is 2 hours long, so it’s more than likely the little ones will need to make a run to the restroom. It’s hard to recommend the best time to duck out because most of the non-action-y parts are usually scenes that advance the plot or feature Young Merlin (who should not be missed).

About halfway through, there’s a sequence where Alex and his companions travel to the legendary home of King Arthur in Tintagel. Once they travel through the Stonehenge portal and begin walking overland, make a run for it. Around the same time, you could also afford to miss the scene where the four kids practice sword fighting against trees that Merlin brings to life. It’s a bit of a training montage that turns south (and is a lot of fun), but it could be missed for the sake of your bladder.

The latest installment in the Transformers franchise opens in theaters this weekend. Read on to see if you should take the kids.

1. What is it about?

Bumblebee is a prequel to the original Transformers movie. Set in 1987, it tells the story of how the title character got on Earth and his first set of adventures here. There, he battles both the humans in Section Seven and a couple of Decepticons who follow him to Earth.

2. Who stars in the movie?

One of the nice things that sets Bumblebee apart from the rest of the franchise is that fact that its lead (human) character is a woman, Charlie, played by Hailee Steinfeld. The main Decepticon, Shatter, is likewise female, voiced by Angela Bassett.

Charlie’s partner in her adventures (besides, of course, Bumblebee) is Memo, played by Spider-Man: Homecoming’s Jorge Lendeborg Jr. And of course no Transformers movie would be complete without everyone being chased by government agents, this time led by John Cena.

3. Will I enjoy it?

Short answer: yes, Bumblebee is enjoyable. It does have more than a few “action figures punching each other” scenes, because it is stil a Transformers movie, but it has a lot more going for it than that. This movie is saved primarily by the choice to have a new director, Travis Knight, whose only previous directing credit was the truly spectacular Kubo and the Two Strings. Unlike Michael Bey, Knight understands things like character development and story, both of which have been sorely lacking through most of the franchise.

Another thing that distinguishes Bumblebee from the rest of the franchise is that it is the first film in the series written by a woman: Christina Hodson. Together, she and Knight made sure that Steinfeld is a strong, indepedent lead, rather than the damsel-in-distress role that most of the other women in the series have played. Oh, and there isn’t a scene where Steinfeld is asked to lean provacatively over the car’s hood.

4. Will the kids enjoy it?

I’d say that teens and maybe even pre-teens will enjoy the movie. As I mentioned above, it has a lot more heart and character development than most of the rest of the series, but Knight also keeps the action going, so it’s never boring.

5. So how does it rate compared to the rest of the franchise?

The last few movies in the franchise haven’t exactly been good … or even watchable. I’ll admit that I stopped after the one with Mark Walhberg fighting robot dinosaurs. But the series started out well, with the original film being downright enjoyable.

So given that very, very low bar, I’d say that Bumblebee is certainly one of the two best movies in the franchise, with the other being the first. However, I haven’t seen the first movie in a very long time, so without watching it again, it’s hard to say which of the two is better.

6. What is it rated? Why?

The film is rated PG-13 for “sequences of sci-fi action violence.” That shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone, seeing as the film is about a portion of a war being fought by alien robots.

There’s no sex at all in the film, and I only caught one instance of a bad word, when Cena at one point says “s***.”

7. Does the story align with the other movies?

As mentioned above, Bumblebee is a prequel to the first movie. So, we learn how and why Bumblebee came to Earth, so that he could eventually be found by Sam Witwicky. Without getting into spoilers, let me just say that there are quite a few things from the original Transformers movie that don’t seem to quite make sense given the events of Bumblebee. For instance, the fact that the US government, and in particular Sector Seven, already know about the Autobots and Decepticons, makes sense given that Cena’s character in this movie works for Sector Seven. But, there’s no mention on the Transformer’s part of the AllSpark here.

We do find out why Bumblebee can’t speak, though.

8. Is it worth seeing in 3D or large format?

I saw the movie is plain old 2D, and thought it was perfectly fine. There are lots of instances during the fight scenes where they do zooms and pans that are obviously in there for the 3D, but I don’t think they are enough to justify the added cost.

9. When is a good time to sneak out to the bathroom?

Unlike the other big movie opening this weekend, this movie is mercifully short, at just under 2 hours. Perhaps the best time to sneak out is roughly half way through when Charlie needs to go to work and leaves Bumblebee alone. He goes into her house and accidentally destroys it. It’s a cute, funny scene, but doesn’t advance the story at all.

10. Is there anything after the credits?

There is a sequence just after the credits begin, but you’d have to sprint out of the theater to miss it–it’s literally fade to black, show the movie’s title, then begin the sequence. After that, there’s nothing.

The new retelling of the classic story Robin Hood hit theaters this weekend. Read on to see if you should take the kids (no) or even go yourself (again, no).

1. What is it about?

It’s mostly the classic tale of Robin of Locksley (Taron Egerton) and his attempts to redistribute wealth in medieval England. This one borrows heavily from 1991’s Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves by making Robin a recently-returned Crusader and his main sidekick an Arab soldier he brings back with him, although in this telling, the Arab fills the role of John (Jamie Foxx).

All of the other characters are present, including Marion (Eve Hewson), Friar Tuck (Tim Minchin), and Will Scarlet (Jamie Dornan), and, of course, the villain is as always the Sheriff of Nottingham (Ben Mendelsohn), aided by Guy of Guisbourne (Paul Anderson).

That said, there are a few key differences. Neither Prince John nor King Richard are present or even mentioned, so the Sheriff’s boss this time in an unnamed Cardinal (F. Murray Abraham). Also, the movie begins with Robin and Marion in a relationship, but then upon his return, he discovers that he was presumed dead and so she has moved on to Will Scarlett, so rather than Will being a close ally of Robin’s, they are more often at odds.

2. Do they at least get the historical period right?

The movie opens with a voice-over from Tuck who says something like “I could tell you the year, but it doesn’t matter.” And as I mentioned, they go out of their way to not specifically name England’s king. I think in some ways there were attempts to not set the movie in any particular time, but then they did make sure to show the “draft notice” Robin gets sending him to war, and that very clearly identifies the war as the Third Crusade, which was from 1189-1192. So much for vague time periods.

I didn’t stick around to watch all of the credits, but I’m assuming the producers must have hired a historical consultant. And I’m saying that because, even if you know nothing at all about the medieval period beyond what you’ve seen while playing Assassin’s Creed, you’re likely to at least accidentally get a few things right. So the only possible reason why this movie gets absolutely everything wrong about the time period can only have been by intent. It can only have been having a person on set saying, “no, sorry, that looks a tiny bit like something someone in 1200 would have worn, so you’ll need to change it.”

Just take a look at the costume worn by Mendelsohn throughout the entire movie (honestly—he never once changes his clothes, even though it’s implied the movie takes place over several months). It’s a Steve Jobs black turtleneck under a grey leather trenchcoat with giant lapels. The height of fashion? Sure… in about six hundred years.

And while I give credit to the movie for making Marion a strong, independent woman and not a “maid,” her wardrobe consists of nothing but dresses with plunging necklines.

Nottingham is shown here as a kind of steampunk fantasy, complete with “mines” across the river that are constantly off-venting something and tightly packed slums lifted right from the hills around modern Rio.

And need I even talk about the combat scenes, with the Crusades depicted as the Afghan war with bows and arrows (and rapid-fire crossbow “cannons”) to the liberal use of bombs? Yes, bombs. The movie actually contains a scene showing a character through a round piece of metal with a burning fuse sticking out the top. Emoji combat, of course, in slow motion, to make certain there was no chance you might miss it.

3. Is it at least enjoyable?

I have a friend who has argued in the past that every movie takes place in its own reality. The movie might look like our world, the people may talk like we do, and the places might look like ours, but in the end, it’s a different reality. And so, a few minutes into the movie, I tried to remind myself of that. It’s fine that nothing in England in 1200 looked like this movie because the movie is in its own 1200 England. Maybe that reality invented emoji bombs by then. Maybe they had iron railroad rails and crossbows designed by Gatling and black turtlenecks. Maybe everyone carried pounds of coins around with them at all times and lords served as common soldiers and people could travel pretty much instantly from Rome and they held casino nights in the castle (yes, that is a thing that really happens in this movie). If I could just accept that, I could perhaps relax and enjoy the film for what it is.

But then we hit the second major issue: the movie simply isn’t that interesting. It mostly plods along, making sure to never miss a chance to hit a Robin Hood cliche. There’s not a moment in the movie that you can’t see coming from miles away. Besides a few social commentary moments (“redistribution of wealth” is an actual phrase used by Robin at one point), the movie never tries to do anything new or different with the story. Even the big reveal at the end that is supposed to shock the audience (and set up the oh-god-please-hope-they-don’t-make-a-sequel) isn’t at all shocking.

I could have found a way to accept the alternate reality of the movie if it hadn’t been boring. But as it turned out, I had little to keep my mind occupied beyond the historical anachronisms.

And you don’t have to take my word for it: as of the time of this writing, it has a 14% Rotten Tomatoes score.

4. Should I take the kids?

No. Not because there’s anything terribly offensive (more on that in a moment), but because it’s hard to justify spending your time and money on this drivel while Ralph Breaks the Internet is also in theaters.

5. What’s the movie rated and why?

The movie was given a PG-13 by the MPAA for “extended sequences of violence and action, and some suggestive references.” The violence part is obvious, and I guess you can mostly call what happens “action.” The “suggestive references” I’m a bit less clear about. Marion lives first with Robin, and then later with Will, so I guess that might count? But there is certainly no nudity or even a “suggestive” love scene, and the violence, while pervasive, isn’t at all gory.

There was also one instance of the “s” word that I noticed.

6. When’s a good time for a pee break? 

The movie is officially 1 hour and 56 minutes long, but the credits must be really long because I was out of the theater about an hour forty after the movie started. Assuming you know something about the traditional Robin Hood story, there’s nothing important you’re going to miss regardless of when you go. There is an exceptionally silly training montage when John teaches Robin, who has already been shown to be an expert marksman with a bow, how to shoot and forces him to work out despite Edgerton already being in almost impossibly good physical condition. But it’s probably too early in the movie to really be a good break.

7. Is it worth seeing in large format?

It’s not honestly worth seeing in small format, but it’s certainly not worth paying for large format.

There were scenes along the way that seemed to have been filmed for 3D. I don’t know if there is a 3D version–there aren’t any screenings where I live—but if so, the same thing applies: don’t pay extra to see this movie.

8. Is there anything after the credits?

No.

9. So, franchise?

It’s very clear that the movie is structured to be the first in a new series of films. Minor spoiler ahead—you can leave now if you don’t want to know anything else about the movie.

The movie is basically a Robin Hood origin story, and ends with Robin and his outlaws fleeing to Sherwood Forest, and a new Sheriff (because, obviously, Mendelsohn’s character dies) vowing to hunt them down to the last man and woman.

So there’s yet another reason to skip this movie: going to see it only encourages them to make more. From that perspective, I’m actually a bit sorry I gave them my $9.

The Predator, the latest and by far the worst movie on the now-30-year-old-series, opens in theaters this weekend. Read on to see if you should see it (spoiler alert: no) before it leaves theaters in a few days.

1. What is the movie about?

An alien hunter comes to earth to, well, hunt, and ends up fighting a future governor.

No, that’s not the plot of this movie, but I’m hoping that if you decide you need a Predator fix this weekend, you’ll make the sensible choice of re-watching the 1987 original film and save yourself from enduring this one.

2. What is the movie rated?

It’s rated R for language, extreme violence and gore, and being supremely stupid.

3. Will I like it?

No.

4. Should I take the kids?

I’m guessing that as a parent, you love your children. So, no.

5. Is it really that bad?

Here’s the easiest way to answer: literally every frame of this movie is dumber than Arnold Schwarzenegger outrunning a nuclear explosion.

6. When should I sneak out to pee?

About two minutes in. And then, don’t come back.

7. Is it worth seeing on IMAX or large format?

It’s not worth seeing at all, in any format. It isn’t worth paying normal admission price for, much less premium admission. It won’t even be worth watching for free on Netflix when it shows up there in a few weeks.

8. Is there anything after the credits?

There was literally nothing that could have made me sit in the theater for one moment longer than I needed to, so I didn’t stick around to see. But even if there was? No one cares.

9. To be fair, it’s gotten horrible reviews. Why did you go see it?

Because by the time my friend and I showed up to the theater, a lot of people who are smarter than us had already taken all of the not-front-row seats to see A Simple Favor, and we were in the mood for a movie, so we thought, “eh, what the heck?” As it turned out, going back out to my car and sitting there for two hours staring blankly out the window would have been a better choice.

10. Will there be more movies in the franchise?

Honestly, I hope so, since until last night I genuinely liked this franchise. But I hope that they decide to pull a Terminator and reboot and just pretend like this movie never happened, both because everyone needs to pretend it didn’t happen, and also, because this movie radically retcons the Predators, and does it in a really awful way. Like, introducing Darth Vader and Boba Fett as whiny kids awful.

11. Wait, really?

Yes, but this is now number 11, and I said in the title that there were only 10 things, and please just trust me that I don’t want to write or talk or even think about this movie ever again.

Jason Statham takes on a giant prehistoric shark in The Meg, hitting theaters this weekend. Should you take the kids to see it? Read on to find out.

1. What’s it about?

Thanks to some meddling by a group of overeager scientists, a megalodon—the largest shark ever to live on the planet—emerges from the deep to terrorize the scientists, and it’s up to rescue diver Jonas (Jason Statham) to save the day. It’s based on a book with the same title, but I haven’t read it, so I have no idea whether or not it stays true to the original story.

2. Where does it take place?

This is another in an ever-increasing string of movies primarily financed by Chinese investors. They don’t seem to mind having big Hollywood action stars headline their movies or mind having the movies in English, but they do like having them based at home, and so The Meg terrorizes the ocean of China—and specifically, Shanghai—rather than the US. And for the record, I don’t mind that at all. Our coastal cities can use a break from getting wiped out in the movies.

3. How are the effects?

Very good, as you’d expect from a movie that reportedly cost over $100M. The shark in particular is quite believable, and the actors all do a fine job pretending to be in the frame with it.

4. How silly is the science?

It’s a movie about modern humans being attacked by a creature that has been extinct for 2.6 million years. If you have problems suspending your disbelief, this isn’t the movie for you. But hopefully, you already knew that.

5. What is it rated and why?

The film is rated PG-13 for “action/peril, bloody images and some language.” The action/peril part should be obvious—the characters spend most of their time trying to not get eaten by the shark. And the language wasn’t bad enough to really stand out to me. There are a lot of “hells” and “damns.” If anyone said anything worse than that, it didn’t register.

As for the blood… the movie is surprisingly tame. Disappointingly tame, if you take Statham’s word for it. (And note: there’s a lot worse language in that link than there is in the movie.) Quite a few characters and lots and lots of bystanders meet their end, but no one is really shown being ripped apart by the shark. The most blood you get in the movie comes from a stab wound suffered by a character early on in the film.

There’s no sex or nudity at all in the movie.

6. Will I enjoy it?

I definitely liked the movie, but I should admit here that two of my favorite things to watch on the big screen are sharks and Jason Statham. I mean, I even liked 47 Meters Down. So perhaps my opinion here is a bit skewed, but I can say that the movie exactly delivers what it promises. It doesn’t try to pretend to be anything other than a somewhat ridiculous man vs shark movie, and at that, it definitely succeeds. And as a bonus, you get to watch Statham chew on some scenery along the way.

7. Will my kids like it?

Older teens almost certainly will enjoy it, but I’d hesitate before taking younger kids. While the producers decided to stick to the PG-13 rating and avoid the gore, there are still plenty of jump scares, and the main characters—particularly Statham’s Jonas and Bingbing Li’s Suyin—are in constant danger. It’s definitely not the scariest movie out there, but there’s plenty of fodder for nightmares in the movie.

8. Is it worth seeing in 3D or IMAX?

I saw the movie in plain old 2D, partially because I really hate 3D, but mostly because the time worked out best for the 2D showing. This isn’t a movie that had obvious 3D scenes, but there were points that you might guess the shark jumping out of the screen at you might be a bit more intense. However, I didn’t feel that I missed out on anything seeing it in 2D, so I don’t mind having not spent the money on 3D or on a larger format.

9. When’s a good time to sneak out for a bathroom break?

The first two acts of the film alternate between mid-ocean man vs shark combat and attempts at character development back at the fancy underwater lab. Pretty much anytime they go back to the lab, you have several minutes where you aren’t going to miss any shark attacks. (I’m assuming here that you are seeing the movie to watch the shark, and not to see whether Jonas and Suyin end up together.)

10. Is there anything during or after the credits?

No. As soon as the credits roll, you’re free to go.

No, which to me seemed strange, though not exactly disappointing. The movie’s title character has “Robin” for a last name, instead of a middle name as it of course was for author A.A. Milne’s son. In the world of the movie, all the young Christopher’s escapades in the Hundred Acre Wood were real, and his father wrote no stories. Thus he was never famous as the real Christopher Robin Milne was, which I’m sure was the main reason they chose to base the movie on a completely fictionalized version of him. The movie’s grown-up Christopher (Ewan McGregor) serves in World War II, marries, and has a daughter – as did the real man – but his experience and his family are very different.

All this is fine, of course, and makes sense considering the huge difference that the stuffed animals the movie’s Christopher played with were alive when he was a child and are still alive decades later. However, the movie’s creators made the choice to use a book as a framing narrative device, zooming into and out of the drawings as they resolve into scenes. It was not entirely clear to me at first when I saw it that they intended that to mean that the entire movie was in the universe of the Pooh stories; my wife felt the same confusion. Go in knowing that, and you should be fine.

2. Will my kids like it?

I can’t say for sure, as my kids are teens, but I think many little kids will find it boring, confusing, or both. The part of the movie where Christopher is a boy is over quickly, and includes scenes at his strict boarding school and at his father’s funeral. This is followed by short scenes of him growing into full adulthood, graduating college and getting married. Then there’s a scene of him going off to fight in World War II, leaving his pregnant wife Evelyn (Hayley Atwell) behind, followed by scenes of her raising their daughter alone for several years – interspersed with scenes of him at war – followed by his return to finally meet the girl. The war scenes include battles with gunfire and explosions, which are very likely to scare some children, and serve no useful purpose I can identify (though at least there is no on-screen blood or death) except possibly to avoid the film getting a G rating.

That said, my teenage kids loved the movie. If your kids are old enough to understand and enjoy some movies aimed at adults, they will likely find enough in Christopher Robin to entertain them. The worst that’s likely to happen if you take younger kids (as long as they aren’t likely to be scared by the battle scenes) is that they’re bored, so keep that in mind.

3. Will I like it?

If you grew up with the Pooh stories, then I have no doubt that you will, as the movie has clearly been made by similar people and – deliberately or not – for similar people. This is a movie whose message is blindingly obvious very nearly from the beginning, if indeed you haven’t already gleaned it from the trailers: adults need to work, but their families are more important than their jobs, and sometimes everyone just needs to play. The movie takes its time getting there, but there is much to enjoy along the way. The scenes with Pooh and his friends are uniformly delightful, with Jim Cummings doing his usual marvelous job as the voices of both Pooh and Tigger, and Brad Garrett proving the best choice for Eeyore’s voice ever. Mark Gatiss (best known as Sherlock‘s Mycroft Holmes) does a great job as Christopher’s completely unlikable boss, and his subordinates in the Efficiency Office of Winslow Luggage are very entertaining. Young Bronte Carmichael does a credible job as Madeline Robin, Christopher and Evelyn’s daughter, though her role mostly consists of being neglected by her father.

4. How is the CGI of Pooh and friends?

It’s amazing how far CGI has come. The stuffed-yet-alive animals are furry and look sewed together, yet when they speak and move it doesn’t seem creepy at all, and perhaps most importantly their eyes are entirely believable. The animals are obviously at some points in the movie “played” by actual stuffed animals, mostly when they have to be carried by humans, but it’s all seamless. My son thinks Tigger looks like a grumpy old man, but it’s still just as endearing as usual when he (Tigger, not my son) sings his trademark song. The movie wisely keeps the focus on Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore, and Tigger, with Rabbit (voiced by recently-retired Doctor Peter Capaldi), Owl, Kanga, and Roo only appearing in the Hundred Acre Wood and not in the “real world” scenes. Of course the most touching scenes are, as they should be, between Pooh and Christopher, with some lines that would draw tears from the most dispassionate of people.

It helps, of course, that the voice acting is just stellar. If Cummings and Garrett’s jobs in this movie don’t convince the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to create a “Best Voice Actor” Oscar, nothing will. And credit must be given to Hayley Atwell for convincingly rapidly switching from Woman Who Thinks Her Husband Is Insane Because He Believes His Stuffed Animals Are Alive into Woman Who Has Just Encountered Living Stuffed Animals.

5. How Hook-like is it?

If you’ve seen the Spielberg-helmed, Robin Williams-starring 1991 movie Hook, it’s hard not to think of it as you watch Christopher Robin. In that film, Williams played a grown-up Peter Pan who has to rediscover his youthful self to save his children. It’s a controversial film, and my personal view of it is that it should be seen, but doesn’t merit much re-viewing. The sets and costumes are so elaborate they distract from the actors, and the overacting of both Williams as Peter and Dustin Hoffman as Hook is only funny to a point.

Christopher Robin, I am glad to report, avoids those traps. When adult-Christopher pretends (with Eeyore’s help) to fight off a Heffalump so the other animals will believe he’s their Christopher Robin, it’s as subtly acted as it could be. There are limits to how subtle a grown man fighting a nonexistent foe while running about and making noises can be, but McGregor pulls it off without it getting campy.

6. When is a good time for a bathroom break?

It’s a (longer-than-necessary) two-hour film, so this may be necessary. If possible, try to go before the animals set off to London to get Christopher his papers, because you don’t want to miss Tigger’s song. Also, that’s when it starts to get exciting.

7. Do I have to stay through the credits for something extra?

There is a very nice, funny little film that shows just after the beginning of the credits, and I highly recommend staying for that. After that, though, it’s just credits. Oh, and if you (as I did) should notice the name “Chris Pratt” as an actor in the film, you should know that Disney has informed me that it isn’t that Chris Pratt.